One Down, Four More To Go

The first term of Grad school is over. It wiped me out but I made it through. Subsequent terms, while with more credits should be a bit easier because it will be spread out over ten weeks rather than four. Of course i may be wrong, wouldn't be the first time. We've got a pretty good group of folks that I am going through this craziness with over the course of the year. There are 27 people only five of which are guys. Definitely some lovely ladies in the cohort. Now i am vacationing in San Diego for a couple weeks...got one more week here and then its back home for two more weeks off...YAY FOR RnR!!!! I am still not quite sure where I am going to be placed...one teacher said Chief Joseph Elementary School and then the one who does the placement has no idea as of yet...OH JOY! Some wires are crossed or something; a bit of a lack of communication if ya ask me. Until next time............

It has begun

Grad school is pretty reading intensive...and the costs at least double that of an undergrad. I didn't expect my costs to jump that much. I knew tuition was going to go up but the amount of books and miscellaneous materials I needed to buy has also jumped up. Last week was the first week of a 5 week term, it kicked my ass. I was exhausted by the time friday came around, it took a lot for me to do much of anything that day. I fortunately have a few days off, monday- wednesday which helps on the recovery end of things. I still have to catch up and try to get ahead with my homework. I am house-sitting/dog-sitting for this week. The dog is pretty sweet but at the same time its difficult adding the dogs usual routine into mine...I have had to go back to my place in order to get some peace and quiet to study and take naps since the dog won't let me rest. I hope to be refueled by the time thursday rolls around.

Grad School comin up

IT starts on the 25th...then i will be crazy busy for the next month, then a break and then back at once the school year starts back up in september. I am not sure what to expect out of the program or what the workload will be like. I hope that I can handle it all. Apparently there is no Masters thesis, only a protfolio of some sort turned in at the end of the program that includes all of my reflections, lesson plans and whatever else I have accumulated over the terms in grad school.
That makes it a little bit easier. I am a tad anxious at the moment, not knowing all what to expect. I would love nothing more than to skip ahead in time to graduation day getting my Masters Degree in Education; I hope my teachers are decent, I am tired of stuffed shirt pompous know-it-alls cramming their BS down my throat. Wish me luck!

I GOT IN!!!

I stopped by the grad office to find out the status of the letters of acceptance/rejection and I found out I have been accepted to Grad School in Education at Portland State University starting this coming summer. I will graduate at the end of the summer in 2008. TIme to get the nose to the grindstone and kick some ass...get this done and over with. One more year and I am DONE!!! God willing that is...

Twiddling my thumbs...

I find out sometime next week whether or not I am accepted into the Grad School of Education at Portland State University. I take the ORELA test on the 14th. I am not that anxious about it at all though I not looking forward to taking that obnoxious test that asks questions about information that no one ever thinks about. On the 19th of March I turned 33. I hope this year is better than last year...graduating was cool but that stuff with Wendy sorta put a kabosh on everything; took the wind out of my sails. I am attempting to get back on the rockin horse now. It hasn't been easy. A friend of mine who is a few years younger than me is getting married to someone ten years his junior...they make a good couple but I am so tired of seeing people younger than me tying the knot...its as if I missed the train and its never gonna come round the mountain again for me. More to come once I know about Grad school...

Grad School

I submitted my application to Graduate School on the 1st of February. I should know sometime in March if I am accepted. My three letters of reccomendation are excellent labeling me as an outstanding candidate to be a teacher so we shall see what materializes. I still need to take the ORELA test...a general information test that asks some of the most random questions about some of the most useless information possible...at least that is what the practice test has led me to believe. I hope to pass that one, I will be taking it in April.
Since my last blog...some days are better than others. Sometimes someone will say something that will set me off(they not having a clue about anything) but I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet...I am too damn stubborn. There are plenty of lovely ladies in this world...time to start fishing with some different bait; see if I can reel in someone that is on an even keel and on the same page as I am. Thanks for the supportive words Fred. Best of luck getting through High school for you and your family.

Heartbreak

I recieved an email the other day from a friend of mine...I don't know if I can call her a friend anymore...This is a girl that I have been friends with over the last four or so years, I have been there for her when times were hard, was a shoulder to cry on and gave encouragement when it was needed. A year ago she moved in with a guy up in Alaska. I was bummed when that happened, she was supposed to come down to Portland for a while but otped to move in with the boyfriend instead. Our contact was cut down to email and rarely would we be able to talk via IM. for several months she was going through all sorts of doubt and probelms in her relationship. I and another mutual friend didn't think it was the ideal relationship for her but we remained supportive regardless. One of the times she was going on about how useless she felt or how she would feel if her current relationship ended...she said that she felt that no one would want her. I had been hearing that for quite some time from her. I finally plucked up enough courage to tell her how I felt about her. I liked her from the moment I met her. So following that bearing of my heart more emails and IMs occurred and she began to have feelings for me, which wasn't reavealed till she had decided to stay with her BF. Once she did that I didn't hear from her for a while, she said she needed some time to clear her head. Whatever. Anyways, we got back in touch and remained friends. Recently her and her BF moved to Anchorage. I was happy for them and also happy about the possibility of being able to stay in better contact. That was not to be...
Monday the 22 of January I recieved an email from her in response to mine asking her how thigns were going stating that this will be my last email...that our contact will be limited via email/IM. She has insecurity issues as well as self esteem issues which made her demand of her BF that he could no longer recieve emails or phone calls from his Exes and or female friends once they move to Anchorage. He complied. He spotted her talking to me via IM as well as saw the email I had sent her so he called her. He called her on her bullshit, her double standard and left it at that. She felt guilty because she had hidden the IM as well as the email when he came around; he had to ask her to see them. He saw that I had signed off love ya and she felt even worse. Then she says that she is sure I will be offended by this (DUH!!!) and she apologizes, its not her intent. She told her BF that my saying love ya was harmless. I DON"T SAY THOSE WORDS WITHOUT MEANING THEM!!! Then she says you will probably want to respond to this but it would be better if you didn't because I wouldn't be able to read it. WTF!!! (SCREAMED FROM THE ROOFTOP )
SOoooooooooo, she says that we remain friends but there will be no contact.
Thats like going to a all you can eat buffet that has no food on it...really its the equivalent of someone dying. I have had friends that have died and I still carry my love for them but you cannot say they are my friend anymore because they have ceased to exist. There is nothing to nuture and grow upon, no communication and sharing of life experiences. Her cutting off of contact has essentially made each of us dead to one another. What friendship...what relationship of any kind can be maintained without contact?! I could definately say that I truly love and care for her. I had thoughts of spending the rest of my life with her despite her foibles...not like I am perfect by any stretch. I came to accept the fact that she decided to stay with her BF, try and make a go of it. Despite any feelings she may have had for me she felt that she wanted to marry this guy...had thought that before I had said anything so I ahd the short end of the stick from the get go. Now all that is dashed to the ground into billions of pieces.
Upon reading her email, I had to refrain from repeatedly smashing my fist through the walls of my apt. I was and am still livid over this. I am unable to convey exactly how I feel at the moment other than to say I feel helpless, hopeless, and heartbroken. I vacilate between hatred and love regarding this constantly.

Part of me wants to write her back and tell her F**K YOU I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU OR HEAR ABOUT YOU AGAIN! but then I can't. It won't solve anything to go ballistic like a little child. I haven't reponded to her email and I won't. I can understand where she is coming from but that doesn't make what she is doing right. Jealousy is never profitable. To cut out people from your life puts you into one hell of a lonely situation. There is a little something called trust...to demand that a person in a relationship stop talking to people they have known for years (exes, old friends, male/female friends) is childish. If you cannot trust someone to be true to you in a relationship then you have no business in one. In her demanding such a thing of her BF puts her under the same regulation. The only time to cut out a person from your life is when they are detrimental to your life, they cause more damage to you than they do building you up, they are bad influences on you. The only way I can see myself as such a person was my having feelings for her and her beginning to have them too so I have to go away so she can stay true to her man. Well goodbye Wendy. I hope you and Ryan have a wonderful life together, that both of you grow out of your insecurities and learn to trust one another. I will never be speaking to you again (not for lack of wanting to), I highly doubt you will even see this blog...you haven't commented on it in ages...I will pick up the pieces of my broken heart and put them back together and go on with my life. I have lost a good friend and it hurts right now more than I can describe.

MY NEW CAR!!!!!

Just got it today...a 97 Toyota Camry. It has 112,221 miles on it and I am the third owner. I know the previous owners and they did regular maintenance so this car could last quite a while...God willing it will.
My 93 Ford Escort either cracked the head or blew the head-gasket and there is also the possibility of some bearing problems because there is some severe knocking...so I am laying it to rest...once I remove the stereo from it.

Slowly Getting There

The quarter is over...I have yet to get all my grades back but I expect that I did ok...I know I have an A in one of my classes, having gotten more than the required amount of points for the course. I took the CBEST test, its a general knowledge test for those who plan to go into education. There was a reading and math test and then I had to write two essays on the given topics...I think I did ok, though i was beating myself up for some screwups on some of the questions and essay format after the fact...as it was running through my mind. I will never take a test like that again around finals...my brain was fried.
I got the apartment, put down my deposit; moving in at the beginning of the new year. It should be pretty cool, its a larger place compared to where I am now and the rent isn't that much higher and the manager is good there...he used to manage the apartments I am currently. With the good of getting the apartment comes a difficulty. My car decided to give up the ghost. I went to get the oil topped off at Jiffy Lube and the guy comes to my window with the dipstick...it looked like it had been dipped in almond butter or Kaluha...so either my head is cracked or my headgasket is blown...that basically means the engine needs to be rebuilt. I am not sure if its worth it or not to go to the trouble, it has over 160 thousand miles on it so if the engine is out now then the transmission can't be too far behind...The money spent to fix it could be put towards a newer car. So these next few days will be a bit hectic. Packing up my apartment and attempting to find a car. Some friends of mine have some cars for sale but their asking price is a bit high for what I currently have on hand.
I head down to San Diego for two weeks to spend the holidays with my mom and get some more dental work done. I had a wisdom tooth pulled a couple weeks back because a cavity in that tooth was making its presence a little too apparent to be ignored any more. With my luck the dentist in Cali will want to pull my other upper wisdom tooth since it has a cavity in it as well. Then when i get back from Cali I get to move...then classes start up a week after I get back so the move has to happen quickly. Things are changing, hopefully for the better.

Still Breathing...

I got the private loan to pay for classes this year and now the Financial Aid Dept. says I need to fill out a petition to allow me to take more classes sine I am about at the allowable limit of 270 credits for a undergrad degree. I called them asking about the fact of my being a post bac student and I was told I need to fill it out anyways...so strange. Pending the outcome of the petition, I may or may not get a new apt; it would be a bit larger than the one I have and it would also have a dishwasher but the rent would go up $90 from what I am paying at the moment ($435). I hope that the petition goes through, otherwise I may have to move back home with the parents...not a pleasant thought...though San Diego might not be too bad though I am not a big fan of earthquakes or tsunamis; the area my mom lives is really flat. I am a good swimmer but not that good.
I am now registered to take the CBEST test; a pre req for grad school in education. D-day is Dec 2nd, right before finals week. Fortunately I am able to take the test here in town. I hope to get a good score on it...I haven't taken a test like this in ages. The ORELA test is another test I need to take but it is offered on the same day and costs more. Apparently i can postpone my taking the ORELA but I can't with the CBEST in regards to my grad school application.
I have finally gotten a little bit of recording done using the recording software i got a couple years back. I had to buy a new input pre-amp to connect to the computer. I also bought a decent condenser mic and some good headphones. I have some more mics and other recording nic nacs on the ol christmas list...we shall see what materializes.
Wisdom teeth leave really big holes when they are removed; had to have one removed this past thursday, a cavity in the tooth got to the point of major annoyance so it has been removed. $313 later...I don't have dental insurance in this state, I may have insurance through the school but since I am taking only 8 credits I am just under the amount of credits for when they automatically deduct the insurance fee. Thankfully it hasn't been that painful, a little soreness in my jaw and very slight tenderness in my gums surrounding the area where my tooth was...not to bad. THe worst part of the whole thing was the wierd unnatural feeling of having the dentist pulling my tooth out. I was waiting for the pain but he had numbed me good enough; it just felt very strange having the tooth yanked from my head.
Meanwhile....I take life one breath at a time...to homework I go...............................

So many curve balls, I picked the wrong career

I should have taken up baseball with the amount of curve balls that keep comin my way. I was checking some things with my school records and saw that my financial aid allottment had been reduced dramatically from the already low $4285 for the school year to a utterly pathetic $23. How in the bloddy hell am I to pay for tuition, bills, etc with that...I could get a tank of gas and thats about it. I call the financial aid office to figure out wtf happened and they tell me that the student loan database hadn't updated by the time they did the initial allotment so it wasn't taken into account that I had gone to school during the summer. Come to find out, there is a $46,000 cap on undergrad/post bac student loans...which is good but that sort of thing needs to be made known to students at the beginning of their college years and reminders sent as well. The guy I spoke to says that its published...RIGHT! click on this link and you find it...that is the equivalent of posting a bulliten in the deepest darkest basement in one of a hundred dusty file cabinets. Its not something that is easy to find unless you are really looking for it, the information should be included as soon as you apply for any sort of aid, included on the main page rather than hidden in some small type or remote link...you get the idea. I am beyond furious wiht the BS I have had to deal with from this school...the only other place on this earth that is as much if not more so of a clusterF*** is the whitehouse. *NO, I AM NOT BITTER* (MASSIVE SARCASM)

So now I am stuck having to apply for a private loan since I don't make enough to pay as I go...and now I am waiting on the edge of my seat and on the grace of God to see whether or not I will recieve this loan, otherwise I have to hit my mom up for tuition for this term...God only knows about subsequent terms...UGH!!!!

I still need to take a couple tests for grad school in education...gotta get to the practice tests this week and then schedule them, get them out of the way, hope I score well, then take care of the application. Needless to say....its not too much fun being me right now.

Graduation at Last and a trip to sunny San Diego

The grad ceremony was one for the books...the president of the college decided that he wouldn't give the speech he planned since it was going to be 90 degrees (it was an outdoor ceremony after all) instead we will commence with the ceremony and handing out diplomas. He got a standing ovation from the grads. The spring graduation lasted at least 3 hours and mine was over in just over an hour. Sounds perfect to me. So the pics are of me with my two younger brothers, my baby bro Dave on my right and the middle bro Tim (who is crouching, he is just as tall as Dave) on my left. After the ceremony was a BBQ where a bunch of my friends and family showed up. The following day I was in San diego...
Other than getting some dental work done (my jaw still hurts from the docs trying to set a crown on my lower left side) the trip was alright. We got to go to theSan Diego Zoo (the Orangutan/ape of some kind), Sea World (Shamu and the Dolphins), as well as Balboa Park where we went to the Automotive museum (me and the Lamborgini). I also went to church down there, saw some folks I haven't seen in a while (people I knew that moved away from Portland). Until I went to church down there, the thought of moving to anywhere in So-Cal did not appeal in any way, shape, or form. Of course, the very idea of moving back in with either of my parents doesn't appeal...still have some things to figure out.
Now i am signed up for a few classes Post Bac to get some of the other pre reqs for the school of Ed., will also be trying to take my tests and get my application together as well. Head down that road and see what doors open or close. I may wind up in So-cal after all, who knows but right now...its continue with school; otherwise I may never get my masters.

GRADUATION AT LAST!!!

Been a while since I have posted, busy with school and work...life in general. Welllll, Its finally happening...still haven't completely determined what will happen afterwards...I have applied for admission Post bac, still waiting to hear back on that. I go down to San diego for a week the day after graduating. I may wind up moving down there if I like it, we shall see.
In work news...aquired a new student that actually practices. He came in with two years on the instrument, a heck of a lot more ability than I had when I had been playing as long as he has been. Now we are filling in some holes where he is lacking...theory, knowledge of the fretboard and so on. He could be a monster player.
Nothing profound to say at the moment...

Practicum/school almost over/here comes summer term

Today I taught spelling and will continue the lesson on monday. The teacher I am working with, Martha, was complimentary immediately after I finished, saying I have a calming voice yet with some authority. It wasn't as wierd as I thought it would be, I have been teaching guitar long enough so its not like teaching is a foriegn concept to me. Funny thing is, I dropped the class that the practicum is for but I have come to enjoy working with the kids and an abrupt exit wouldn't be good. THere are only a couple weeks left so i decided to stick it out, see what more I can get from the experience.
Since I dropped that class I am now going to be going to school full time this summer. The first half of the term will be in American Fiction and The Psychology of Learning then the second half I will be in the History of Guitar. I am hoping it will be somewhat easy but at the same time I know it will be a little bit hectic with the classes only lasting 1 month. We will be meeting mon-fri for 2 to 3 hours for each class, a lot of info to absorb in such a short time, but at least with this they are cutting away all the fat and getting down to the gist of the class.
Come August 19 I will be graduating. I am still unsure as to whether or not I will pursue a masters in education, Oregon is not a hotbed of opportunity when it comes to teaching jobs, the state of education here is in shambles. I have thought about going into some form of law, and I would still love to go to a school of luthiery (guitar making) or musical instrument repair. I have really enjoyed working on people's guitars as well as my own over the years. My mom has been buggin me about movin to San Diego, I am not so sure I want to do that. I will be going down for a visit after graduation, I will see what I think of it and where God is leading me to be. I know living in an area that is consistently sunny would do a lot for my disposition. I hate rainy weather, I have lived in the Pacific NW all of my life, a little change might be good. We shall see what the future brings. I need to do some research on schools down in that area as well as some other places...I have thought about moving to Austin Texas...right now its just a thought.who knows...more to come

New Term, New Challenges

THis term I am taking 12 credits. One of the classes has a 30 hour practicum attached to it as well as three papers and reading, one is a Lit. class (ten different books to read), another is a survey class that has some reading and interviews/papers to write and then my one credit geology field trip that happens in two weeks. Its kinda insane. I am currently behind in all of my class readings, its hard to stay awake for some of it, not interesting enough and my eyes get tired. Since I am doing 12 credits this term that means come summer I have to do eight credits and then August 19th is graduation day. I am SOOOOOO looking forward to that...of course i will be back in school again a little over a month later trying to finish up my pre reqs for grad school. It never ends.
My practicum...I am in a fourth/fifth grade classroom assiting the teacher and she has even said that she would let me teacha class so I can get the most out of the experience. I am not even doing my student teacher internship yet, I am just supposed to be tutoring. I told her I would like to get more acclimated to the kids before making a decision. She wasn't forcing me on the issue, its not required anyways. That sort of thing is grad school, but doing a little now may not be too bad. We shall see.
I got a new toy/songwriting/practicing device. Its called a Jam Man. I am able to record musical phrases and then it will loop those phrases and I can over-dub to my hearts content. I have over 20 minutes of space on the memory card. It is helping me in working out harmony parts and figuring out the different ideas I have for songs. I ams till learnig what it can do...its loads of fun.

Birthday, School, Work....Life I guess

My birthday was on the 19th of March. For the first time in the five years I have lived in the Portland area I had a decent birthday. After church, I was invited to go out to lunch with my friend Emily and her family (thanks Em, I really appreciated that); had some good conversation about life in general and some things regarding a good friend of ours (miss ya lots Wendy). Later than evening, another friend from church calls and invites me out to dinner. All in all a pretty decent birthday.

THe term is over. YAY!!!!! Of course spring break is way to short, I have to start back up on monday and do it all over again. I have to take 16 credits spring term and then I will only have to take four over the summer and then I will graduate. I am still trying to decide what ceremony I want, the large one at the end of spring term or the smaller on at the end of the summer. I am leaning towards the summer one.

Work! I had a new student start up that pays $75 and hour. I go to her house, We charge $40 an hour at the studio so we account travel time...heck the studio set the rate and they are willing to pay it so I have no qualms with making that kind of bread in an hour. Most people have to work a full day to make that much. I also have another guy starting up this next Tuesday, an older guy (he's older than me by almost ten years)whose daughter is taking drum lessons from one of the studio owners and may eventually take guitar lessons from me. I may also wind up getting the daughters friend as a student too...we shall see, I guess I have to pass through the dad first.

I also have a new student (a 9 year old girl) starting in my home this friday. I got her through some networking. A gal at my church teaches piano and one of her students also wants to learn guitar so Diane directed them my way. From what I am told, she is very musical and likes to create her own music. It should be fun.

Recording...I hope to have some the track done in the next few weeks, there are a lot of paying sessions and I have to go in in the breaks. I am hopeful that it will turn out well. I want it to have a semi orchestral metal sound to it...like Nightwish or Ayreon, or Rhapsody. We shall see what we can pull off in the time we have.

an actual music post

This Saturday, at some point I will be going to lay down some scratch tracks for a a tune I am doing for the studio website. Its an older tune that I have improved upon over the years (written in 96). I will be haivng the same drums and bass as I had on the last tune only this tune takes a bit more work on their part, there are more changes, its not straight forward. I still need to finish the melody of the tune and figure out some harmonies for some parts. I gotta get my reording software up and running here on my home computer so I can at least dork around with parts to see if what is in my head is do-able. So many ideas, I just lack the patience to figure out the dang computer...I have started working towards it though; why have the software if you aint gonna use it?

It seems the crap just keeps comin

I went to speak with an advisor this past friday (10 minute walk in appt) to make sure i was on track to graduate this spring, make sure I I knew what classes I need to take and ask some other questions about some classes that had been suggested by my advisor who is actually out on maternity leave. Lo and behold, the class I dropped because of being sick turned out to not only be a pre req for grad school but in some twisted way also applied to my degree...meaning...I don't graduate this spring. I could've freakin killed someone, I was so pissed, it still annoys the hell out me. I have a half hour appointment with an advisor on the 10th of march...Par tof me hopes that the gal i was talking too was freakin clueless and stupid and somehow missed something...i had already planned on going next fall to take care of any other pre reqs or maybe even take some of the grad classes if I could as I got the application together after taking the summer off. I will know more then and will be able to map something out, some sort fo battle plan to get this mess done. I was ok with it after talking with some friends and family but now that I am dredging it up again here its pissin me off again. People have suggested taking whatever classes i need to take during the summer and then i would be done. that is more money than I have right now, and I am already having a hard time with school, I want to be done so bad. I am so fed up. So far it seems that the only way i would graduate next term would be to take 20 credits, 19 of them upper division...that would literally kill me and I wouldnt pass anyways. So apparently God has other plans...i wish I would have just kept the dang class instead of dropping it, and played the catch up game but no...I cannot fix what has already been done. ___________!!!!! insert expletive here

these are the days of my annoyance.

My Biology teacher needs a serious boot to the ass, maybe even upside the head. To say he is disorganized is to understate the situation. The homework I had to do most recently; couldn't find most of the answers in the chapter we were going over, and then half the material in the chapter wasn't even covered. A week or so ago he posted Homework for the endocrine system...well there was only one question relating to that subject where the rest were ones we did a few weeks earlier for the cirulatory system...I am beginning to wonder how the hell this man got his phd to teach at a university. I posted my complaint about it on the class board online and there was one response to it and now my posting is gone...strange. My ending line was "someone needs to pull their head out." Maybe I pissed off the teacher, wouldn't be the first time I have done that over my educational career.
Then there is math class. UGH! I hate the metric system. Leave it to the English to hold onto such a f'ed up measuring system. We are having to do conversions in class and on the HW, it would be one thing if we only had to do the problem but we ahve to be able to explain how we got it, IE understanding it. The very little bit that I was liking math more because of this class is diminishing fast.
I had to drop my childrens lit class because of the bronchial infection. It is a pre-req for grad school. I will either have to tack it onto next term or take it post bac. I hate getting behind, then you are constantly trying to catch up, way to much stress.
Not so annoying....I have two new students starting this wednesday night. Mo money, mo money, mo money! Not a lot but any helps at this point.

PHEW!!!!!

Got the results back today from my blood test and urinalysis. I am all good healthwise, no sign of diabetes or anything. Adult onset diabetes does run in my family but the wierd nausea and dizzniness was part of the infection I had apparently. I am thinking of getting an std test for the hell of it, its been freakin ages since I have done anything of that sort but for the sake of peace of mind I may have a test done. I guess the little episode where my airway got blocked has me a bit more aware of my mortality. Of course i explained to the doctor the situation and his thoughts were that I would be at a very low risk since its been as long as it has but he did say it could be done just for peace of mind.
Lookin forward to seeing the Seahawks take out Pittsburgh on sunday. GO HAWKS!!!!